“I’m sorry for letting this happen. I should have ended it before it began.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night.”

“We exchanged fluids, but not an ounce of romance.

“That was a whole lot to dump on me before noon. I’m barely awake! Park, scarf down some eggs and bacon. De-stress.”

“…surprisingly enjoyable.”

“Aw, you’re making me blush. I’ve never heard anything so completely over-the-top before. I’ll die of your praise.”

“It’s inimical to cultivating something healthy, or halfway functional. You’ll need therapy after what my cocktail of mental illness, unsavory habits, and- God knows, you don’t deserve this mess.”

“I drove twenty miles past midnight when you broke down on I-95. Maybe I don’t deserve that, but I damn well wanted to do it!”

“Your instinct to mend every broken bird’s wing-what are you doing now?”

“Out. Out, that’s what you want, right, want me to leave, storm off like I’m a kid and you’re the mom because then you get to say ‘told you so’! Not like I can leave anyway, or you’ll pull out the contact tracing charts. Screw you, lover boy. And your little dog, too.”

“He’s not my pet, primarily-”

“Our pet! See, this is why Rach stopped hanging out with us.”

“Please, explain. How is your tiff with your friend my fault?”

“Argh! Shut up and just- I’m here because I want you! I love you! Why are you the dumb one when you majored in Faulkner or Aristotle or whatever?”

“Prosperity and comfort don’t make a home. You’ve been unhappy.”

“Sure, I have! We’re stuck together in this pressure cooker because someone wanted to hold onto our UST more than he wanted to fuck his boyfriend.”

“Girlfriend.”

“God, I know you didn’t just correct me for misgendering myself. This is about your ‘sexuality crisis’, isn’t it, well, maybe I used to be your girlfriend and now I’m your boyfriend. Just because I was always- I heard myself, don’t put on your ‘well, actually’ face. Used to be boyfriend, now girlfriend. This is the problem, is that when I try to acknowledge the positive, you make sure I know where the negative is, even though we’re both living through the same pandemic! Let me slip up, trip up, say the wrong thing- nobody is judging you! It’s you and me and God and I’m not that sure about the last one!”

“Should I attempt to lighten the mood with a joke about Continental philosophy?”

“Hah. Thanks.”

“I am sorry. I don’t believe my assessment is unsupported by the evidence, but I apologize for bringing it up now. We can defer the decision.”

“Yeah. We’re not breaking up. We’re not on a break. We’re thinking, and- and waiting- we weren’t even together. It’s like Schrodinger’s dating. We still live together. I just- I am not being broken up with over breakfast I made for you in our shared apartment. We can figure it out after.”

“Speaking of what happens after, I finished planning the post-COVID vacation. Let me show you the slideshow.”